We ‘get’ kids and teens. We know that the struggle is real and that families need compassionate support and real time solutions. When your kids are struggling in school, with friends, and at home; it can feel overwhelming, exhausting, lonely and scary. ADHD is no joke, yet these are our kids who can laugh the loudest and shine the brightest. Their unique perspective, their energy – oh their energy; and their messy backpacks are a force to be reckoned with. Let’s harness those strengths and come up with effective tools to manage those difficulties.
ADHD isn’t always, necessarily, or even typically, just hyperactivity. There are subtypes that point to the main areas of difficulty. These can and often do look different over time. Effective solutions pinpoint the specific symptoms that are causing the most frustration and target them with scientifically based solutions.
ADHD often looks different in the tween and teen years. Social issues, high risk behaviors and academics are all areas of potential concern. You can no longer manage all of your teens academic demands and if they have felt unsuccessful in the past, finding the motivation to do all these things (that squarely fall in their weak spot,) is a big ask. Many parents have been (appropriately) bolstering their ADHD child’s weak executive function skills and acting as an executive assistant while they learn these skills. As a teen enters middle school, maintaining this level of oversight can feel unsustainable to parents and frustrating for teens. This is the time for teens to ‘own’ their ADHD, with its unique set of skills and challenges, and choose how they will leverage their strengths to compensate where needed.
“Our parenting works fine with our other kids but not so much with this one.” This is a common sentiment and they are right. Many kids do just fine with regular old parenting. Most likely this is because it is just plain not that hard for those kids to do what they are asked and meet expectations at school or home. This is not the case with kids with neurodevelopmental differences. They are wired such that they are having a harder time with certain skills that are making these expectations all the more challenging. The problem is typically not a lack of motivation or effort but instead these ‘lagging skills.’ This is great news because it means that we can help them get there and build these skills we are just going to need to be extra strategic about how we go about doing so. The best part is that the philosophical for of parenting that we champion, while vital for kids with challenges, is also amazing for all kids. Even if you don’t ‘need it now’ this is the sort of parenting that sets the stage well for parenting teens if things get tricky.