The first year after getting a driver’s license, new drivers (especially boys) are at an elevated risk of accidents.
We know this intuitively and research (and how much we pay for their insurance) backs it up. We want our children to become skilled, experienced and safe drivers and we want them to gain that experience with as little risk to themselves and others as possible. Some teens also have temperaments, especially a willingness to take chances, that elevates this risk.
We know that excessively heavy handed and unwarranted ‘helicopter’ parenting may offer us the illusion of more information and protection, but has the side effect of generating defiance and shutting down communication. This reaction reduces our ability to share information and influence choices effectively. Parents are incredibly important and with a subtle shift in their approach, can maintain a relationship that reduces risk and increases influence. Parents do this by remembering that we cannot ‘really’ control our children (and attempts to do so are counterproductive) but we CAN control ourselves.
Parental Anchoring is a reliable way to maintain legitimate power using parental presence, self control, structure and support as our tools.
Based on these elements of the Non-violent Resistance and Vigilant Care, Yaara Shimshoni developed an evidence based approach that successfully reduced risk and accidents in new male teen drivers. The method outlined below combines her research with the common and inexpensive Life360 app, as a means of reducing risk for new teen drivers.
The overarching goal is to expand Parental Presence with its sharing of information and encouragement of safety.
You can picture this with parents like a bird on their shoulder, quiet but with its presence felt as our teens are out driving on their own. They carry us with them in this manner, while their own internal system of safe judgment is developing. Parental presence is the active/effective ingredient. It says
‘I am here and paying attention from a place of love. Though I cannot control you, I can control myself and will do everything in my power to keep you safe.’ Haim Omer
This development of parental presence avoids the pitfalls of helicopter parenting and moves parents toward the important goal of reducing risk.
During this first year of new driving, while experience and internal self control is developing, parents take a flexible attitude and adjust their oversight to account for any signs of danger they detect.
The Green Light or Open Attention is the default and preferred parental attitude.
This is the position where we typically begin with a new driver. We welcome them to driving as a fully licensed driver. In CA, new drivers under 18 have several limiting laws that apply to new drivers that involve curfews and driving with others. Parents may also have additional rules about when and where their new driver may drive.
Teens are greeted with a warm and welcoming invitation to the world of driving. They tend to be more receptive to the active monitoring offered by Life 360 when explained as related to a mutual goal of safety and independence. They are likely familiar already with 360 as a commonly used parental supervision app.
At the Green Light level, parents and the teen sit down for weekly ‘road side chats.’ These talks are intentionally friendly and egalitarian. Topics of discussion include situations that the parents or teen experienced, new driving conditions and route planning, as well as the driving (as captured by Life 360) of one another.
Parent’s and the teen’s driving are all open to discussion.
Life360 (with a paid membership) records driving speed, hard accelerations/ braking, and phone use while in a moving vehicle; for each driver. This information is reviewed for understanding and context and to detect potential dangerous driving. Special attention is given to driving on the weekend, at night, to new locations or where other factors might be expected such as being tired or having other teens likely to ask for a ride. By talking in advance about different situations, teens are more receptive and more likely to remember the conversation when it is relevant.
The Green Light level of oversight is maintained as long as there are no signs of dangerous or risky behavior. Risky behavior might come to parent’s attention as a result of the Life360 feedback or other concerning situations that might occur such as missing curfew, tickets, taking the car without permission, not communicating as asked by parent or feedback from community members.
At each level, prior to going out on the weekend or at night, the teen is asked to ‘help the parent feel comfortable and relaxed’ by texting when they arrive at their destination and also at a predetermined later time to let the parents know that everything is ok. This can be as simple as ‘here’ and ‘all good.’ The goal is to keep parents top of mind (parental presence) in a friendly but clear manner.
Yellow Light
Parents switch to the Yellow Light level of oversight (focused attention) when the feedback they observe points to possibly concerning driving. The roadside chats, though still calm, are more focused and specifically talking through the concerns and remediation of the teen’s driving. For example, if Life360 feedback indicated 3 instances of hard braking, this would be specifically addressed with the goal of reducing the need to slam on the brakes with the teen also planning how they could achieve this. At this level, parents also increase their level of focused questioning for any weekend or night drives.
What, when, where and with whom, in addition to the text on arrival and later in the evening, signal the elevated concern.
When the risk signs or feedback are no longer present, the parent returns to the lower level of oversight.
If the signs of risk are sufficiently elevated, a parent may choose to move directly from green to red.
Red Light
If the teen’s driving continues to be concerning, there are other warning signs including substance use, or the child refuses to cooperate with sending texts or providing reliable information; the parent shifts to the Red Light or Active protection level where they take further steps to reduce the risk to the child. At this level parents would place limits on the driving privileges available to the teen. This may mean that they drive to school and work but the driving privileges are not available to them on the weekend or at night. When the signs of risk are no longer present, the parent shifts back to the lower level of oversight.
Returning to safe driving and the Green Level level of oversight is the goal. Shifting back down to Yellow and then Green are made at the RoadSide Chat as soon as the risk has subsided.
Most families find that such a system gradually fades out of use as the parent gets consistently good feedback about their teen’s driving and their teen as effectively ‘bore’ them with their good driving!
