Not all kids with ADHD develop behavior problems or so called Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) but many kids with ODD also have ADHD. ODD is a pattern of behavior or interactions that is seemingly intentionally annoying, defiant, and sometimes aggressive. While ADHD and autism are a lifelong neurologically based brain difference that needs to be understood and worked with, ODD and other forms of challenging behavior are often behaviorally based and treatable with specific behavior modification and parenting techniques. It is not surprising (or the parents fault) that kids with ADHD are at higher risk of displaying challenging behaviors. By definition, their disability impacts their self-control, impulse control, and self-regulation. Defiance and behavior problems can be like a snowball of discouragement and conflict that creates momentum. Halting it before it gets more powerful and reversing the cycle of unpleasant interactions is imperative. Effective ADHD treatment can also greatly reduce the possibility of defiance or problem behaviors developing.
Behavior challenges in teens can shake the heartiest of parents. Your kids are big now. If you were getting them to do/not do things before by overpowering them with size and control, you quickly see that this is not an option and even if it were, it is not a sustainable nor desirable one. It is never too late to update your parenting to meet the changing demands, and do so in a way that also fits with your values and your valid desire to support your teens in making reasonable choices. Non Violent Resistance parenting is a brilliant and evidence based approach that supports parents in stepping out from that feeling of being erased or helpless, and into a parental authority that is sturdy, actionable, relationship forward and effective.